Be a Good Coach

What do you do when your volunteers perform poorly?

Many church leaders fumble when they see problems with volunteers. Some say or do things that injure volunteers. Most simply grit their teeth and do nothing. And the ministry suffers.

Here are some volunteer-nurturing practices we’ve used successfully at Lifetree Cafe locations across the country:

1. Feedback is welcome. Many people have the mistaken notion that volunteers don’t want constructive feedback. That’s simply not the case. One of the prime reasons they volunteer is to make a difference. They desire to be effective. And they welcome feedback that helps them improve.

2. Offer feedback in private and in-person. Deliver your feedback one-on-one. Though compliments are often welcome in a group setting, corrective feedback should always be delivered without eavesdroppers. And, conduct your feedback face-to-face. Never put corrective comments in a note or email. Don’t leave a phone message. Select a time to talk in person, when your comments will benefit from your kind tone and body language, and when your volunteer can participate in a two-way conversation.

3. Be timely. Offer your feedback within a week after observing your volunteers in action. If you wait too long your volunteers may not recall the behavior you’re evaluating.

4. Give balanced feedback. At each coaching time, offer both positive and corrective feedback. This lets them know that their work is valued, and that they can become even better at it.

5. Be specific. When offering praise and critique, describe actual details of the volunteer’s behavior. For example: “I really love how you smile and help everyone find a seat.”

6. Be tactful. Use constructive, non-inflammatory words. And never judge a person’s motives.

7. Offer practical direction. Detail how the volunteer can be more successful. Be specific.

8. Show appreciation. End your coaching session with sincere thanks. Let your volunteers know they’re appreciated.

Sometimes you’ll encounter a volunteer who cannot make the necessary improvements. This is usually a case of mis-matching. Attempts to correct poor performance are futile. In these cases, for the sake of the ministry, you must have a direct conversation with the volunteer, and find a different position or ministry for him or her.

Your volunteers need you to fulfill your role as a coach in ministry. When you do your job well, their performance, their dedication, their enthusiasm, and their appreciation of you will all go up.

Cool Church

Is the church in a cool crisis? For the past several years many churches and their leaders have tried to out-cool one another. But, increasingly, we’re seeing signs that the cool thing may not be working.

We’ve seen the cool craze manifest itself in pastoral costuming (dirty jeans, untucked shirts, trendy facial hair), glitzy stage production, slick video, and other forms. Many seem convinced that unless they look trendy and hip no one will pay attention. Or worse, they fear that some might think church people are uncool.

The trouble is, the Cool Reformation (as some have called it), isn’t working. The intended audience can smell a wannabe hipster from a mile away. Brett McCracken, author of Hipster Christianity, recently wrote in the Wall Street Journal, “If the evangelical Christian leadership thinks that ‘cool Christianity’ is a sustainable path forward, they are severely mistaken. As a twentysomething, I can say with confidence that when it comes to church, we don’t want cool as much as we want real.” http://bit.ly/9sX0lq

People who hunger for God aren’t looking for cool. They’re looking for God.

So, some recommendations:

1. Don’t attempt to emulate Hollywood’s coolness. Doing so only contributes to a cosmetically thin show.

2. Don’t attempt to emulate cool megachurches or their leaders.

3. Just be you. Be real. People crave relationships with real people.

4. Deflect to Jesus all the attention and the desired adoration. The ongoing stories of how He changes ordinary people’s lives never get old. Make that your focus.

Haggard: The Prodigal Pastor

“We are idiots. We are hypocrites,” said the prodigal pastor who rose to the heights of Christian stardom before scandal led to his banishment.

Ted Haggard’s recent comments describe his view of today’s church in America. I interviewed him for an upcoming Lifetree Café episode on temptation. He revealed some fascinating stories from his firsthand experience with that subject. But the former mega-church pastor and head of the National Association of Evangelicals also shared some pointed perspectives on the institution that he exemplified for 30 years.

After Haggard acknowledged his rendezvous with a gay prostitute in 2006, his Colorado Springs church fired him and sent him away. Now he’s back in Colorado, starting a new church, and questioning how the church handles its wounded. With little left to lose, he minces no words.

On churches that boast that they offer a healing place for broken people, but quickly banish their own broken leaders: “Even though we teach total depravity and we teach that all sin and fall short of the glory of God, if that shows up in our youth pastor or secretary or pastor, we have them gone in a day. With no explanation. And we start an effort to make sure that people don’t communicate with them. It’s the opposite of being a body. We say we’re a body but we don’t act like it when a difficulty comes up.

“We’re just a religious corporation. Our primary functions are image management and damage control. The church only believes in forgiveness and restoration of insignificant people, because we can market it. If it’s significant people (leaders), it’s an embarrassment to us and we don’t want to have anything to do with them. It’s the epitome of hypocrisy.”

Some might say Haggard is haggard—and bitter. But his perspectives (on the church, homosexuality, temptation and restoration) after years of shame, therapy, time to ponder, and separation from the spotlight of super-churches, caught me off guard. And caused me to ponder.

Who are we—as the Body of Christ?

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Teaching Is Over-Rated

First, a confession. I consider myself a teacher. I’ve taught a lot of stuff. I’ve spent the better part of my career devising, developing and publishing Christian education materials—teaching stuff. I appreciate the value of biblical literacy. The more people know about God the better.

But, I’ve come to accept that teaching, after all, is not my goal. There’s a couple of reasons for this:

1. A focus on teaching is a focus on the teacher. Me. How well I prepare, how well I develop the lesson or sermon, how well I deliver the message. I judge my success by how well I perform. The problem is . . . it shouldn’t be about me. What matters is the learner, the recipient. If I teach and teach with glorious eloquence, but the recipient’s life is not positively changed, then I’ve failed. Teaching can’t be the goal.

I’ve often seen church marquee signs with slogans such as: “Strong Bible Teaching.” So what . . . if no one is learning? Why doesn’t anyone advertise “Strong Bible Learning”?

Teaching and learning are two different things. And, get this, neither one is the main thing. Which brings me to Reason #2.

2. In the church, we’ve been conditioned to think that teaching is the prime driver in a person’s faith. When someone meets Jesus, what’s the typical prescription? Go to a church with good “teaching.” Go to a Bible “study.” We telegraph that faith is merely an academic exercise. Sit and listen to good sermons. Go to good classes with good teachers. Study hard.

That’s a problem. As I mentioned in an earlier post (http://holysoup.com/?p=193), faith is not just another academic subject. It’s a relationship. If that’s true, doesn’t it follow that it acts like a relationship? No one taught me into loving my wife, or my son, or my parents, or my friends.

So, now the old teacher in me has changed positions. My teaching is not the big deal. I want to help people truly grow in relationship, in friendship, with Jesus. And that is a relational process.

Practically speaking, what does that look like? It begins by understanding that growing a relationship involves two-way communication. So, I want to listen more. I want to ask good questions. I want to engage those who are curious about God in true give-and-take conversation. Faith grows when people have a chance to participate in the conversation—with others, and with God.

One on one, I want to share how God really works in my life, how he shows his love for me in everyday ways. And I want to invite other everyday people to do the same. Hearing real stories from everyday people builds the kind of trust that leads to real relationships. And real faith.

People grow in relationship with one another while doing things together. So, I want to create environments for people to experience God while doing things. Just like Jesus did when he encountered people while fishing, tending sheep, eating meals, walking along, enjoying a party.

And, I want to do my job—and let the Holy Spirit do the Holy Spirit’s job. I want to remember 1 Corinthians 3:6. “I planted the seed in your hearts, and Apollos watered it, but it was God who made it grow.”

I want to plant seeds. Just like the seeds I plant when I introduce people to a human friend of mine. If I know my friend would surely love them, and they’d grow to love my friend, I want to see them spend time together. Talking. Listening. Asking questions of one another. Doing stuff together. Building trust. Laughing together. Crying together.

It’s not my job to attempt to teach anyone into loving—or believing.

(See how we work at this every week at Lifetree Cafe:
http://discover.lifetreecafe.com/)

Faith Is Not a Subject

People describe the Christian faith as a “personal relationship with Jesus.” But in the church, how have we gone about encouraging and developing that relationship with Christ? Sadly, our church services, classes and programs rarely pursue that relationship like, well, like a real relationship.

It’s not for lack of good intentions. At some point, years ago, we somehow got the idea that the church is in the information business. The God information business. We knew a lot of good information about God, and we felt compelled to share that good information with other people. So, we looked around and asked ourselves, “How do information-keepers disseminate information?” Well, for mathematics, literature, history, and other academic subjects, people set up classrooms and have “school.” The teacher with all the information stands in front, lectures, and recites information. Pupils sit quietly and passively while the teacher goes through his or her lesson plan. Seeing this model of information dissemination, the church began to follow and imitate the tactics of the academic world.

The academic mold even drives church architecture. We place seats in neat rows facing the front of the room. Elevated platforms accentuate the focal point, the prominence and the power of the lecturer.

We’ve bought into the idea that the church’s job is to dispense God information. Our “professors” go to Bible school and seminary to accumulate the facts. They, the professional God tellers, then return to their towns to preside over classrooms of silent students.

The trouble is, faith is not an academic subject. Our faith is a real, living relationship.

Joani and I have been married for 25 years. Our bond is not an academic subject. Our relationship did not develop through a series of academic classes. Had that been the case, our relationship would’ve been dead on arrival. Had one of us stood and lectured, while the other passively listened, our love could never have grown. Had one of us handed out little worksheets to fill in while the other spoke, our dating life would have crashed at Date #1.

Our relationship is not built on mastering loads of historical facts and bits of information about each other. In fact, to this day, we still can’t do a great job of keeping each other’s relatives straight. Our love is not built on an academic historical exercise. It’s developed and deepened through an ongoing series of shared experiences, rich and honest conversation, and working through the thick and thin of real life together.

So, we must ask, what is the Christian faith more like– an academic exercise or a living, loving relationship? What if we could fashion our church services and programs to be more like a living room of friends than a stiff history class? What if church looked a lot more like it did 2000 years ago?

Un-Looking for God

Was God there—or not? It depends on whom you ask.

We love to ask that question. Every week we see regular people walk in off the street to engage in the stories and conversation at Lifetree Café locations across the country. The topics dig in to popular life issues—from loneliness to UFOs. The conversation always somehow turns to God.

At the conclusion of the hour, we ask participants to rate their experience on comment cards. Invariably, almost all the “regular” people report they experienced God during the hour. Sometimes we see visiting paid ministry people in attendance. But, significantly fewer of them report that they experience God.

Why the marked difference? Everyone experienced the same event. Some had a “God sighting.” Some (many of the “professional Christians”) didn’t.

Contrast these findings with research from George Barna, who asked church-goers about their experience at weekly worship services. “Most of those in attendance say they did not experience the presence of God during the service.” Hmmm. They come to a “worship” service and don’t experience God. I wonder how paid ministry people would answer Barna’s question about their own worship services.

Could it be that we “professional Christians” have become so conditioned that unless everyone follows the current worship ritual of half sing-along and half preaching, we don’t think God shows up?

Have we become so calloused that we can’t see the wonder of God in everyday things? Are we so professional that we cannot see God revealed through everyday non-professional followers who also have a story to tell? Have the routines of our profession anesthetized us from recognizing the very presence of God in our lives?

Open our eyes, Lord.

www.lifetreecafe.com

A Time to Shut Up

What do the non-churched and the de-churched want? We’ve been listening to a bunch of them.

In the past few weeks we’ve met with agnostics, atheists, a Muslim, a former Wiccan high priestess, gang members, and people who have been hurt by the church. Want to know want they yearn for—that they have not found in the churches they’ve tried? A listening ear.

Their perception: “Churches and Christians in general just want to talk, to sell their deal. There’s no time for my views or my questions.”

They want to be a part of the conversation. If we want to reach them, we need to be good relational architects, good listeners. Like Jesus demonstrated.

How can you demonstrate that you care about listening? Some things to consider:

• Encourage spontaneous questions. Don’t worry about having snap answers.

• Devote half your “message” time to listening. Encourage thoughts from the people—in instant small clusters and/or in town-hall-meeting style.

• If you use social media, curtail the pastoral platitudes. Devote half your tweets or updates to asking good questions about things you really wonder about (not loaded questions).

If you believe that people need a relationship with Jesus, begin by modeling some relationship basics. Like listening.

The Lost Art of Hospitality

A powerful ministry tool lies dormant in most churches. It’s waiting for you to activate it.

It’s hospitality.

Most think they do it well. Very few do.

This week I met a pastor who’s committed to transforming his church with a palpable embrace of hospitality. Knowing that Jesus exemplified hospitality in his ministry, Henry Brinton of Fairfax Presbyterian Church in Virginia, has identified three elements of effective hospitality for churches.

1. Create a “threshold place”—a location that connects the world and the church. This may be a carefully designed welcoming zone at the entrance of the church. Or it may be a different location that is easily accessible to the community. (Lifetree Café would qualify.) And all members need to practice the art of hospitality.

2. Provide opportunities for people to eat together. Jesus demonstrated that barriers melt when people gather around tables to share food and drink.

3. Find ways for people to talk together in small groupings. Hospitality blooms when people open up in trusting conversation.

Many churches believe they excel at hospitality. Brinton tells of visiting one of these, only to be sidelined by parishioners who clumped together to talk with their own cliques.

Suspecting that his own church may not be as hospitable as it needs to be, he created a hospitality retreat where his people dove into the theology of hospitality—and joined in actually practicing how to act in hospitable ways.

Hospitality is everyone’s job. If you assign it to greeters and ushers, you won’t be a welcoming church.

The art of hospitality really isn’t that hard. Most people perform it well in their own homes. When guests come, most people greet them with a smile and a hug. They offer food and drink. They engage in genuine conversation. They listen. They show a real interest in what the guests have to say.

We just need to transfer our home skills to church.

Henry Brinton is writing a book on church hospitality. It’s long overdue.

Worship Is Not a Show

A church dashed a pivotal opportunity to reach its community. They built a new facility in a highly visible location–but designed a dark, boxy worship space, and then hauled in the hard pews from their old location. Opportunity lost.

When it comes to reaching people today, architecture matters. Atmosphere matters.

The importance of “place” is well articulated by architect Kevin Callahan in his book Soul Space http://amzn.to/9W1i9k . He takes his readers on a sweeping tour of historical buildings and contemporary attempts at worship spaces. He’s blunt:

“Millions of people gather every weekend for worship in environments that non-verbally communicate ‘sit back, relax, and enjoy the show,’ which is a message 180 degrees counterproductive to the entire message of Jesus Christ.”

He argues that many church structures today are designed as concert halls or lecture halls, and “poor ones at that.” He illustrates how seating in today’s churches discourages worshippers from seeing one another (except for the backs of their heads). “Pretty clear here—you’re here just to hear what ‘they’ have to say—‘us’ versus ‘them.’ Not exactly what Jesus did.” Ouch. I think I just picked up a splinter from the pew under me.

Callahan advocates worship spaces that encourage an “intimate and connected” feel, using movable seating that can adjust to different themes and emphases.

And those hallowed pews that the church people couldn’t stand to leave behind? “Pews didn’t exist until AD 1100, so there goes the ‘Jesus sat on a pew’ argument.”

Why Won't They Share Their Faith?

The people in our church don’t get it,” says the pastor. “They sit here on Sunday morning. I tell them to go out and share their faith. But they just sit there and do nothing.”

The pastor is right. Most pew-sitters don’t talk about God during the week. It’s one of the reasons the church in America is stuck.

But the people have good reasons to clam up about their faith. First, the methodology of the contemporary church sends the unspoken—but clear—message that talking about God is something that the paid professionals do. When the people come to church they know it’s their job to sit down, be quiet, and listen to the professional Christians on the stage do ministry. The sage-on-the-stage system communicates that faith is a spectator sport.

Second, though the pastor may urge and “teach” the pew-sitters to go out and share their faith, nobody actually learns how to do it. This struck me during the training we provide for new Lifetree Café licensees. After a hands-on demonstration of how Lifetree volunteers are trained to naturally share their faith stories during the Lifetree weekly experiences, one pastor trainee had an ah-ha.

“I get it,” he said. “All these years we’ve been telling people what they should do, but we’ve never let them practice. That would be like telling someone how to swim, but never letting them get in the pool. Lifetree Café is the pool. Now, every week we can let our people dive in the pool and practice sharing their faith.”

He’s right. Every week the believers at Lifetree sit next to not-yet-believers and talk about faith stuff in a safe environment. Through natural conversation the faithful listen to the varied stories of those around them, and naturally talk about what God is doing in their own lives. They learn how to “glow their faith” through real relationships.

Do you want a viral church, with people willingly sharing their faith all week? Well, you may need to shut up some of the time. Let the people talk. And give them authentic times and places to actually swim, to respectfully listen to not-yet-believers, to learn how to ask good questions, to practice talking naturally about what God is doing in their lives.

www.lifetreecafe.com